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Phreak Out 1 - Bundles of Joy.
by Phreak 26/01/02
Well slap my non-bald head and call me a slightly less feminine version of The Fat Sow, fuck me I'm angry. And do you know why? Kids. Little bundles of joy that they are, some of them even exhibit canine-like levels of intelligence. However, give them a console and what little rationality lies within goes out a very small window. To the hardcore, these little people are nothing more than vicious fascist scumbags in disguise. They whine on and on about things they know very little about, wishing to push their inane views upon those who know better. Much better. But why?

Impressionable Youth
First we have to analyse the current situation for your average fanfuck. We must assume that they've been playing for less than 5 years, probably beginning with a PSX or perhaps a GB. This will have left an indelible mark on the impressionable youth, leading to an unnecessary platform allegiance that will govern the rest of his, or her teenage gaming life. For them, there is no alternative, no grey area, just black and white. Boring shits. This sort of pig headedness has caused massive tragedies for the games market. Observe.

Kathy Burke
The death of Dreamcast had most gaming enthusiasts up in arms, and why not? Here was a genuinely powerful, online capable, competitively priced piece of hardware. More importantly, it made contemporary competitors, N64 and PSX, look woefully impotent. Did it sell? Did it fuck. Many people say it was Sega's inept marketing skills that buried the dream. These people are crack smoking Nazi's who should be eaten alive, bollocks first, by Kathy Burke. It was the loyalty of children which lead to Sega's abandonment of hardware. Loyalty to an empty promise.

Rubber Ducky
Sega never had a chance whilst Sony was generating propaganda for a hype-hungry audience. Games fans were outraged by the arrogant stubbornness of the Sony clique. Sony fans, likewise, were outraged by suggestions that DC might actually be quite good. Wankers. They were happy with their rubber ducky demo and their ridiculously optimistic visions of how PS2 might turn out. We didn't even get the last laugh when PS2 finally arrived in a shower of shite and mediocrity. Blinkered beyond belief, they managed to convince themselves that the launch software was a paragon of quality. Who the fuck were they trying to kid?

Pedestrian Killing Frenzy
Gamers under the age of 21 have clearly proven themselves to be incapable of any sort of reasoned judgement when it comes to games purchases. They control the market, yet if it were up to them, everyone would be playing Solid Snake's Gaming Kart-a-roo Pedestrian Killing Frenzy. We shouldn't put up with it. These people ripped the heart out of Sega. They put Eidos games at the top of the charts. They don't know what a sprite is. They are totally controlled by the moneymakers. They have no respect for gaming; some are even embarrassed by it. They think that Sony are developers. They will put Playstations in their bathroom if we let them. They will be the first against the wall if I get my way.

Badly spelt rants or back pats to: Phreak@phreaquency.freeserve.co.uk

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