Another piece of hardware - from Nintendo no less. The Nintendo
DS - or 'Duel Screen' for acronym haters will be out before
the end of the year.
neverone to shy away from a knee jerk reaction, I hastily
knocked together some hardware mock-ups
of versions that might feasibly appear (not the models that
will appear 10 months later with backlight, headphone sockets
and ergonomic problems sorted out though).
as countless folks on internet forums will have told you -
we're are probably not getting the full picture and we'll
find out more at the upcoming E3, but in the meantime....
Tips: Part 4
Never underestimate your customer's stupidity.
so the Game of Year 'Prince
of Persia: Sands of Time' languishes near the bottom of
the charts, whilst 'Bollox: Rehash 2003' and its ilk rake
in the limited money the gaming industry makes each year.
Ubisoft's wonderous title, which pretty much leaves every
game released in the past two years floundering in it's wake,
barely charted this month despite
ovewhelming critical acclaim, leaving only the harcore userbase
to extol its virtues.
a tip - play the market at it's own game. If you're going
to get gamers to part with their hard-earned (in the unlikely
event of a sequel) then make sure that you turn the main character
into a Ninja for mass-market appeal. You clearly can't rely
on the nostalgia of a few hundred ex-Amiga owners to sell
a game, no matter how brilliant it is.
06/12/03 - Prince of Persia hits No.10 in all format charts.
Word-of-mouth-tastic. Who said the hardcore didn't matter?*
it might have been me.
cry son, perhaps it'll work if you plug the joypads in?"
Clive's Caption Competition 14 - We have a winner!
the left dial adjusts arms and the right one opens
her mouth. Interesting....."
are a filthy lot (see stat-o-meter below) and should be
ashamed of yourselves. It was close, but Neil Goodall impressed
our panel of judges with his witty L33T captioning skillz
(see picture, left) and wins a smashing Loadrage
tee to boot.
up (good, but no dice).
Caw! My vulture-style has defeated you once more, puny pong
"Geoff, I think I've found
your Rez Trance Pack"
Neil and Leslie found their dry
cleaning bills were significantly reduced after they bought
the new Electronic Bukkake Simulator 2000.
out and keep....
TV - Uncle Clive on GamesCentral - 9th April
Clive could be seen on 'In the Middle' on Channel 4's 'GamesCentral'
Teletext Page 175
Return of the Nintendo Marketing Monkeys
may come as a surprise to industry watchers that Nintendo
Europe have a marketing division, and not content with somehow
managing to advertise a console who's AAA games weren't available
to PAL gamers over the Christmas period with their 'rubbing
salt in the wounds - The Legends are coming' campaign, they
have decided to target the 'lifestyle' sector with Nintendo's
new GBA SP.
Clive reader 'NepoleOn' observed this contradiction between
the new adverts and the instruction manual. Clearly a case
of the left arm not knowing what the right am is doing. Ironic
really, given that videogamers themselves are usually fully
aware of what their right arms are doing between gaming sessions.
not be ashamed 'Q' readers, videogaming is now the recreation
of choice for the fashion concious affluent male"
Gameboy SP lifestyle Advert: Put it in your back pocket,
and be part of that elusive hip 20-something crowd.
pasty Western idiots with more money than sense. Heed our
Gameboy SP Instruction Manual:
DO NOT put it in your back pocket.
Clive's Games you can play with your girlfriend.
I was reading fan reviews the other day on Amazon.com for
the unreleased 'Zelda: Wind Waker' (from HERE).
Ninty fans are reviewing Zelda before they've even
played it (5 stars of course). Here are some choice cuts from
the various posted reviews:
starts out with Link sailing when a giant bird swoops down
and picks up his sister. Since when did Link have a sister.
I have played all the zelda games and Link never had asister.
Did he? Well I really don't know what happens after that except
for Link sets out to save his sister."
game will be awesome. and to all you who say link never had
a sister... this is a different link. it is 100 yrs after
ocarina of time. ocarina and majora happen first, then with
a different guy, wind waker. So he can easily have a sister."
cell shading is cool because all the creatures are smooth.
it also lets Link, the main character, look around the room."
watched videos of it and graphics look awesome. it is also
good that we get a free zelda game. this game looks great
for any true zelda games. you would be angry if you dont get
"this is THE BEST nintendo game ever, i might so so with
every miamoto game (Hes the Willy Wonka of game making) i play
the demo at the mall all the time and i fell in love with the
game. someone said he didnt like the grapics but i think its
new and fresh and totaly disagry with this 'gamer' if you get
this game you will love the ability to side on walls and take
and take enemys weapons when you destroy them."
Clive's top 5 reasons for not updating. No: 132
Can't be arsed.
2. Metroid Prime
3. Trying to find old SNES in loft for poor Nintendo
4. Someone once told me "If you havn't got anything
nice to say, don't say anything"
5. Can't be arsed.
can do it Captain, it does have the power...."
be programming your VIC20 in minutes" this ageing starship
captain tells us in THIS
1980's Vic20 advert, but I'll bet anyone purchasing a Vic20
would have had "LOAD: JellyMonsters" as their
first programming effort.
"Your site is now full of your old shit" I was reliably
informed by a confused regular.
be, I'm on a sabbatical and my recent mention in the beardstroker's
monthly, 'Edge', prompted a 'best of' once I hit more than
the usual 30 readers who normally tune in to join the party.
If you want to know what other distractions are keeping me
from my important work then no look no further than the mass
of game boxes which are cluttering up my living room. Buses,
threes, you get the idea.
about to show you something new for Intellivision which
will revolutionise the way videogames are played and compared"
THE ADVERT HERE (Requires RealPlayer)
our favourite Mattel spokesman. Amazing to think how the
'Intellivoice Module' has fundamentally changed the way
we percieve videogaming. Where on earth would we be these
days without one?
speed on volleys increases excitement"
could fail to be impressed with this list of features in this
1970's newspaper ad for Atari's PONG, I mean, the screen
actually becomes the playing field. Be careful though,
the AC adaptor 'eliminates batteries'...