Readers Competition:
Gaming Mashups Gallery.
Earn a prestigious place in the mashups gallery by submitting your entry (text only - no pics please) and see your gaming mashup visualised on these very pages.

Maybe it's the fusion between the president of a large entertaininment giant and a videogame, or simply two games crudely bolted together, whichever - the winner takes home a Loadrage t-shirt. The runners up get nothing, except being immortalised for ALL TIME.

This specific competition closes 10th of July, but feel free to submit anytime after that. Lord knows it'll help fill the summer gaming drought.

Next Week: MiyaMoto GP. Probably. Maybe even Lords of Midnights into Dreams.

Ninja Weary:
Another month, another issue of Edge magazine featuring a recruitment ad for Ninja Theory's Heavenly Sword requesting a prodigious amount of manpower. It can only mean one of three possible things:

a) It's going to be so amazing that it'll be visible from space

b) It's fucked, or

c) Anything in between, or something else entirely

Are you a Senior Designer x3? Ninja Theory would like to hear from you.

Just kidding Mr Lawyer!. Here's hoping that it'll be groovey, and that people's faces won't look like those of the handicapped during the cutscenes.

Onions4eyes asks....

Kicking off a new feature, this week Onions4eyes asks:

"What would have happend if Toru Iwatani had gone for a curry instead of a pizza?"

Maybe it's just me, but does resident whinging tart Nikki from Big Brother resemble everyone's favourite mobility restricted simian?

Monkeys in a Bucket, yesterday.

Request 'o' Corner: Halyo Mp3.
Had a ton of e-mails (five) requesting the Halyo audio. I'm always happy to oblige requests from my dwindling readership, so here in spanking stereo and full (crackle-less) audio quality is the mp3.

>>>Halyo:Funk Evolved Mp3<<< (right click to download).

Next week: Return of the Wii's.

BBC Man wanders backstage at Sony Conference....
>>>Click to view results<<<

Sinclair at E3
It was the conference that was on the lips of every E3 attendee. Could Sinclair top their previous years presentation where Jungle Trouble 2: Return to the Jungle took every 'game of the show' award across the internet?

The answer came when a supremely confident Clive Sinclair took the stage and without ceremony proceeded to demonstrate the astonishing looking Dynamite Dan 3: Mekon Warrior, scorching rumours that the franchise had been secured by Commodore.

The announcement of a new Kempston joystick had been speculated in the run up to the show, but nobody had predicted that the upcoming Spectrum +2C would come in two SKU's:.

Spectrum +2C: Tape deck, Kempston 2, RF Tuner, Currah Microspeech: £149.00

Spectrum +2C: Tape deck, RF Tuner: £119.00

Not all attendees were convinced though: "Given that we can't assume that all consumers will have the Currah unit out of the box, this will severely limit our ability to integrate speech as a fundamental element of our games" said Ocean's Johnathan Smith.

The Spectrum +2C launches Q4 2006.

Dynamite Heady.

Moore's Law:
I was simply going to break out a graph to show how Microsoft's conference reception had increased directly proportional to Sony's negative performance at their respective conferences.

But the only reason I was going do that was because putting a graph under the heading of 'Moore's Law' would have been a really smug thing to do. And I don't 'do' smug.

I suspect the graph will revert again next year, but MS will make hay whilst the sun shines.

Oh, and there was some stuff about Halo and GTA.

Wii 3 - Out of the wilderness.
It was like chalk and cheese, without a powerpoint slide in sight. The most surprising thing about it was there were no real surprises - everyone had endlessely speculated about the uses of the controller for nearly a year and most of them were there up on the screen to see. Clearly a testiment to how easily anyone can grasp the concept. I've even yet to see the patented Nintendo "one thing wrong with it" hardware quirk, so some early promise from our Kytoto madmen.

Even if Nintendo don't find this new audience they are seeking, they've probably done enough to halt their demise in the eyes of a weary audience who'd shelved their Gamecubes over a year ago. Prior to the remote announcement I'd told myself that I'd probably just borrow their next system from f
riends to play the big guns. I'm there day one now.

That said, if I ever find myself in Delfino Plaza again, I'll soon discover if the sensor can detect a remote laying 20 meters past a window, surrounded by broken glass.



Must. Resist. Obvious. Caption.

Sony E3 Conference.
It happened to Microsoft and Nintendo last year, and judging by early reaction across the internet - it was Sony's turn to drop a bollock. Mind you, at least MS and Nintendo attempted to look vaguely enthusiastic during last years underwhelming presentations. To be honest I've been to jollier redundency announcements.

What struck me about the Sony conference was that they appeared to be on the back foot - attempting to have an answer to their competitor's systems instead of forging the way forward from their position as market leader.

MS are moving in one direction, Nintendo are moving in another, and this offers gamers a clear choice of which to buy, or a set of complimentary systems if they want it all. Based purely on the conference my immediate gut feeling was that the PS3 will sit fuzzily somewhere inbetween, doing neither strategy well.

That said, by sheer virtue of the huge customer base their system will be attracting it'll play host to the kind of software that'll have us marching down to Woolworths to slap down our credit cards whilst sobbing uncontrollably at the cashier.

And at four-hundred-quid, we WILL be sobbing.


Audience apathy. A bitch.

Press pack hall of shame.
Proof, if ever any was needed, that videogame marketeers are greying men in their 50's. Look! these people look like we think you look!

"ungg... unggg.... Tim - it won't switch over to 'What not to Wear' from this bloody cartoon."

Albert couldn't get to grips with the
'Mini Skipping your way to better health' fitness DVD.

More as and when they arrive...

Uncle Clive - Summer Special!
Has it really been nine years since I last booted up Dreamweaver and emptied the somewhat occasionally mystifying content of my brain into these pages?

A fresh round of consoles coming to our tellies, and what looks like the most important E3's in over 40 years, was enough to wake me from my ancient slumber having slept through the last two years of the previous generational cycle.

I'll be updating throughout the E3 month, and (possibly) after that if anyone can point me in the direction of some decent blogging software. If this goes to plan, it's all change from then on..

Halyo - Funk Evolved
Remaining readers may be aware of the two great loves of my life - Halo and oldskool rap.

In order to align these disciplines I've created my own E3 Halo announcement which is expressed through the medium of hip hop beats and intricate Flash animation.

>>>View Halyo - Funk Evolved<<<

P.S. Anyone know how to remove the crackle from Flash audio?

This week the Loft 'o' plenty brought forth the 'Usbourne Guide to Computers'. Written in 1981, and bought by parents at school book fares, it was intended to inform children about the brave new world of technology beyond AstroWars.

Computers - owning one will be as common as "owning a wristwatch".

Mr Usbourne correctly predicted the arrival of internet gaming forums.


To break the monotony of learning about the world of tomorrow, the book is interspersed with hilarious comic strips like the one above. Children laughed at the wacky exploits of Tommy and his computer - but crucially they also learnt.


..and that kind of technology certainly wasn't wasted on futile pastimes by future generations of children.


"Where do I put the dishes?"


"You need to run the file 'HotCoffee.exe"


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