"Funnier than the time the BBC Multimedia man demanded to know why we weren't reviewing his Noddy game" - Tony Mott

GBA: "Mario Sunshine Advance' to utilise Rare's 'Jet Pac' engine

10 things to do to pass the time until Mario Sunshine arrives:
1. Nervously convince yourself that 'FreeLoader' will work and be out soon, and that you'll be playing an import of Mario on your dusty PAL machine any day now.
2. In the unlikely event of you having a girlfriend, mentally prepare her for the weekend when she will hear nothing but whooping, cheering and catchy jingles permeating through the walls of the house all night long.
3. Repeatedly spout a mantra of "Evolution..... not revolution" in the hope that it will soften any potential disappointment.
4. Try to recall where you put your GameCube.... "Now, was it the loft, shed or charity shop?"
5. Convince yourself that you won't be subjected to any spoilers, and do this whilst browsing the net for fresh information and screenshots.
6. Confirm your membership of the geek elite by grabbing hold of a GameCube controller and trying the imagine how the jet pack buttons will work by having an 'imaginary' go on the game.
7. Go out and spend some money free from guilt, because when you finally get a copy of the game you will have justified to yourself your GameCube purchase...
8. Try to predict the score your favourite magazine/website will give it, and start preparing letters of complaint to send in the event of them not marking it as highly as you would have liked them to.
9. Wanking! Come on, you're a videogamer..... let your already excessive masturbatory habits reach new levels of depravity by utilising the following household items: A balloon whisk, a block of lard and a bag of offal.
10. Have a look through the old editions of the UncleClive.co.uk website, this time actually bothering to read some of the text-rich pieces. You never know, you might actually enjoy one or two of them (the irony being, of course, is that if you've got to point 10 in this list then chances are you already do read my site exhaustively. In which case thank you very much. Here, have a drink on me).

Even your favourite Uncle's cold heart is beating rapidly in anticipation of the plumbers return, those gameless nights will seem even longer until I can bask in the glorious Sunshine. I haven't played a really decent platformer since Mario's last outing.

Other developers take note:
This time around BUILD on what you see in Mario Sunshine, don't knock off a poor imitation which lacks fluid control, innovation and platforms. If I see platform-less levels populated with generic baddies and hundreds of objects to tediously collect I'll be coming down to Guilford (or diagonally to Twycross) to put a parsnip up your collective asses.

My beetroots are being prepared as you read this.

Seeing as we have a rather Nintendoesque update this week I thought this site might be appropriate. Everything you ever wanted to know about Shigeru Miyamoto but were too afraid to ask.

Bored of Videogames Week 5: Uncle Clive provides the solution.
It has arrived, your own cut out and keep 'Uses for an untouched gaming console'...

(now cut down due to space limitations: CLICK HERE FOR OTHER CONSOLES)

Console Wars: The 'Gamepire Strikes Back".....I don't use the word 'genius' very often....
...but I'm going to now. Please go and watch this flash movie entitled "The Gamepire Strikes back", sound is essential, so make sure that you don't watch it until you're home from work, you skiving lot. Genius.


Retro Arcade cabinet in pub locate-o-matrix update 2:
Ok, I'm getting a fair few in now, so do check the current list.... thanks to everyone who has submitted so far. At some point soon I'll be creating some sort of map or something to put them in some form of order (suggestions please).

"He has a cloak on and can fly. It looks shit. I was far too busy looking at this girl who bore a passing resemblance to Ulrika Johnson."

To view the current list and occasional amusing anecdote click HERE.

If you have the address of a pub which houses an old arcade machine please share it with the world, send the pub name and address (where possible) to us at retropubgames@uncleclive.co.uk.

Professor: "Videogames dull the brain"
"Many of the participants in the group who played the most video games told researchers that they had trouble associating with friends".

Perhaps that's the reason they started playing videogames in the first place?


The UncleClive 'Get more hits campaign' search engine keywords week 5: Big brother kate nude big brother katie nude jade porn soccer world cup x box cracks. Nuke the unborn lesbian whale. Free retrogaming games. Small badgers twisting in the wind.